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I sometimes feel that I might be living in the past.

Iapos;m often nostalgic.

Emotional at times.

Iapos;ve been broken free of the past -- sweet or bitter past.

Must step towards the future....

one step at a time.
�
Future is now� **)

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

�

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I am unbelievably stressed right now and ridiculously homesick by my personal standards. Itapos;s parents weekend here (not sure what the official name is, but basically the average age on campus just jumped a decade and a half) and even Kjartanapos;s dad flew in from Michigan, which I think is what really killed me.

I miss everyone, I miss my bed, I miss my house and not feeling obligated to be doing something all the time and scrabble sundays, which I tried to do here once and I didnapos;t like it.

I havenapos;t talked to anyone much lately really, I feel like everyone is really busy and doesnapos;t have time to sit on the phone or the computer and just talk anymore. I suppose I donapos;t either but I want to make the time, being this far away from anything familiar means that I need more from home to keep me sane.

I guess this is really a plea for contact--if you think of me, just give me a call or a text or post on my facebook or something, because Iapos;d really like to talk to everyone all the time but I know I can get annoying.

Or if anyone could improve my familyapos;s financial situation that would work the same, so that I could come home just once before Christmas. We donapos;t get a fall break here. Find someone to spend millions on my momapos;s art, I think that would be better than fixing Ford.
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I want to have an open house party in my apartment this holiday season... I am thinking it will be in early to mid-December... Right in time for the holiday season, but hopefully not SO early that it wonapos;t seem Christmas-y, and not too late that it will interfere with other holiday stuff...

Also, I think I want to do it on a Friday evening so that I can work that Saturday...

Here is my vision for the evening... People will come dressed up for the evening, and I will have some interesting appetizers, dessert, wine, and non-alcoholic beverage.

A favor for each person... A silver or red ball ornament.

Iapos;d like to have like 10 people... I envision people standing by the bar talking, hanging out in the kitchen talking... Sitting in the living room talking or playing a trivia game... Then weapos;ll all head out to a salsa lesson... Or to dance at the Hoosier Lounge.

People to invite???

Erin H.
Susan and Chad
Greg L.
Kristina and Steven
Erin McCracken
Maelynn
Couples from YEP
Amy Ketcham
Cliff
Katie and Justin??
3 other guys or girls

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Yessssss....im done with exams


............well for this week at least...i have a lab exam next wednesday, and an organic chem exam the following monday....but we didnt have lab tnight so im gettin out earlyyy woooohoooo

so i have work tmrw morning, but after that im getting my eyes checked (IM SO BLIND)
and thennn Howard Homecoming yayy

me and marti signed up to get MAC makeovers tommorow early evening-ish....so weapos;ll do that then head out for HU Homecoming parties.....hopefully itapos;ll be fun/plus weapos;re celebrating Markapos;s bday

soo i gotta start planning my trip up to amherst cuz its approaching....i think im going up nov 7th wknd...but its not finalized...should be fun tho

life is cool, but im kinda wishing i had someone to like.....i really dont have anyone to get excited over and i miss that..

i dont get all excited to text anyone anymore...i mean me and thomas kinda drifted off...weapos;re cool but i just dont think we have that chemistry...me and the other one that i was all crazy over have drifted off too...but that needed to end so its good

other guys around here im just not excited about...and i cant fake that....so i guess im just gonna put myself out there and keep an open mind and an open heart

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My co-worker, Bubbles is getting a divorce. So she has asked me if I want to move in and be her roommate because she cannot afford it on her own. I kinda like the idea. Iapos;ve never really had a roommate other than family. But also, Iapos;ve never lived away from my family.

I brought it up to my mom, who is absolutely against it. She really hurt my feelings with something she said. She treats me like Iapos;m an 18 year old, out of high school or something. By this age, she was already married and I was 5 years old, so stop treating me like a fucking adolescent.

Her words, "This isnapos;t like deciding to go shopping, this is serious. It takes responsibility"

What the fuck? Is all I do is shop? Do I not know responsibility? That cut me deep. And it made me feel about 2 inches tall. And we all know that 2 inches isnapos;t very big.

The only thing that kept me from falling apart was the fact that ONE OF MY SS POSTERS ARRIVED TODAY Right during this discussion. So I was taking all of my fury out on opening the damn thing.

She isnapos;t trying to be mean or hurt me. She loves me and wants me to stay home. And she is right, I wonapos;t have as much extra money as I do now if I were to move out. But I would feel better about not being 25 and still living at home. Eh, I have a lot of deciding to do.

Something that is not just 2 inches big. (I cannot believe how HUGE this poster is. I didnt know it would be this big. The other two should also be this big, if not bigger. These are like theaters sized posters)


Me Touching SS to feel better


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I hate this... I am in hell. But I always am right? Constantly walking down that stairwell into to the darkest regions of my "self made" grave... Selfmade... As though I havenapos;t been trying to reach this all time low. I now have five days of pure lethargy ahead of me... Is this my fault? Did I set myself up... I canapos;t tell anymore. I am so filled with rage. Everything is unfair... Im in so much pain Im dying inside and starting to wonder whatapos;s keeping me alive. This world is finally becoming too much...
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Im not feeling stressed. Im�very sick of studying. Ahah. I can feel my chem is gettin better.. Ive been chionging a lot for chem that i somehow quite interested in chem

but the pattern is standard. Chiong chem, physics like deprove like wad. Chiong physics, chem deprove like dno wad. Tapai same thing one.haha. I stayed home alone the whole day to do work. Whooo. =/ sob sob.

back to mugging my post is dam boring i think.

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Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Haha. Like they would.

Does it annoy you to see trashy girls get all the guys?
Yes. And Iapos;m annoyed by the guys who are got by them.

What song is stuck in your head?
apos;One Way Or Anotherapos; - Blondie

Has anyone ever called you beautiful?
Haa, no.

Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be?
Er... Random dark mysterious good looking guy? I donapos;t know.

Wanna have kids before youapos;re 30?
Perhaps/probably/maybe.

Do you look more like your mom or dad?
No idea. Iapos;m not sure I want to know.

Last item you bought yourself?
Er...

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
School and stuff.

Are you currently wanting and piercings or tattoos?
Maybe.

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
Usually on my side.

What gets in your way of your sleeping?
All sorts of things. I canapos;t quiet my mind.

Are your eyes the same color as your momapos;s or dadapos;s?
My mumapos;s.
Weird orangey brown. apos;Gingerapos; apparently.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Iapos;ve been told theyapos;re interesting looking =D

What makes you laugh?
Many things. Especially during inappropriate moments.

Are you self-concious?
Oh, of course not. >_> Heck yes. It pretty much sucks.

How do you vent anger?
By being angry? But I donapos;t know how to show all my anger. A lot of it just remains inside where it can screw with me.

What is the worse feeling ever?
Er. I donapos;t know anymore.

What did you do today?
School. I am still doing school.

What do you smell like?
No idea.

Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now?
MS, I believe.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
Not a lot, really.

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
Ack. Probably not X_x Iapos;m extremely difficult to live with, for one thing. I have weird quirks and habits. I need everything just so. Plus I canapos;t cook or anything like that.

Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
Nobody... My phone doesnapos;t really serve much purpose.

Do you think too much or too little?
Oh lord x_x I overthink EVERYTHING in a big way.

Do you smile a lot?
Depends.

Where did you get the shirt youapos;re wearing?
Skoolkit or somewhere like that, probably. Iapos;m at school.

Are there things you canapos;t live without?
Definitely, though I canapos;t be bothered to put them.

What was your first thought when you looked in the mirror this morning?
"EURGH WTFFFFFFGFFFF"

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night.

Who was your last missed call on your cell phone?
Nobody.

Do you drink tea?
I canapos;t really take caffeine these days, because I used to be damn near hooked. My heart was starting to audibly protest.

Have you ridden in someone elseapos;s car today?
Well, considering I donapos;t even own a car of my own... It can be assumed.

What do you wear to bed?
PJ trousers and tank top.

Who sent you your last text message?
The phone network types.

Are you a cuddler?
Well yeah, but sometimes I get shy =3

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I nearly cried in front of everyone in science today... But apart from that, probably my parents. I always cry at home, so they barely even notice.

Can you vote next election?
No. Iapos;ll be 15 still. I think.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Talk about them to an extent. Some stuff I just donapos;t know how NOT to hide, because Iapos;m so used to it.

How did your day start off?
Bad. We had The Frog.

Whenapos;s the next time you will see the person you like?
Iapos;ve no idea, seeing how one who I could see in the flesh doesnapos;t exist right now.

Are you waiting for something?
*sigh* Many things...

Does anyone hate you?
But of course.

Where are your siblings?
I have a brother. Heapos;s at college.

Are you happy with your life?
>_> Pass.

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